Fears

One of my biggest fears in life is to find out too late that something bad would happen to A and I wouldn't know anything about it because nobody from his friends and family know me.

I pray

I used to pray that we can get back together. But I guess I have finally reached that point where it doesn't matter anymore. Because I clearly don't deserve him. The hope will never die. The what if's will always be there. But now I hear the voice of reason more clearly. Now, I am ready to love you from afar. Finally. Now, I will not pray that we get back together, that you find that you love me. Now, what I want to pray for is that you will remember me as someone who really cared for you, who really loved you. And that's enough. Thank you for not hating me. And thank you for caring for me when I was at my worst. I pray for you a good life. I pray for you a peaceful life. And I pray for you a bigger love - much much much bigger - that what I could ever give you. And I pray the same for myself. I pray that I will remember you as the person who taught me about relationships, about being good to myself, and about adjusting to the people important to you. I pray that I will forever remember you as the man I loved with all my heart, but it was just the wrong love and the wrong time. I will continue praying for you, and I pray that you do the same for me.

The Saddest Words

"Do I love you? No, I don't love you. You're special to me, but I don't love you."

Fuck

Coulda Woulda Shoulda

I don't have many major regrets in life, but not listening to you when we broke up was the biggest one. Why couldn't I have compromised? Why did I insist to end all of it? Why? Why Why Why was I such a selfish idiot?