Happy Birthday, You

It's so depressing. I'm pretty sure he's out with friends again tonight for his birthday celebration, and nope I did not get an invite. Well, who am I anyway but his casual winter fling. Dammit.

Gosh. I know I shouldn't like him so much. And that I shouldn't expect anything - as in totally nothing - from him. But why do I still do it? Why do I still hope that he'll come around to liking me as much as I like him and prioritizing me in his life especially since I'm leaving? 

It doesn't make sense even to me, but that's how I feel. And I hate it. After today, I'm just gonna let him go and wish him all the best. Besides, I leave on Friday anyway. It would have been nice to spend these last 4 days together but I'm sure it's unfair for him - and even for me - if it was done grudgingly. 

It's still really very sad. Huhuhu. But happy birthday you. Half the time I wanna kiss you, and the other half I just wanna kill you. But I still wish you well.