Crash and Burn

When I moved here, I wanted to explore the dating world. It was something I never did before. I didn't to fall in love or get attached with anyone. Living practically next door to NYC, I thought of myself as a Samantha or a Carrie. But more of the former, I hoped. 

It felt awesome when I started. I never really get any romantic or sexual attention back home, but it was different here. I met people, I went out on dates, and I even managed to pop that cherry before the year ended. 

And then I decided I wasn't cut out for multi-dating. I couldn't really be Samantha even if I want to. And so I decided to focus my attention on someone who clicked many of my boxes. It went great the first few weeks and then it slowly went downhill. Until now, I still feel like I'm driving on black ice and in danger of crashing soon. But I couldn't get away yet. There's a pileup in front of me, and the breaks suddenly stopped working. I hate it. I wanna get off the interstate and go back to the local roads where it's safer. The highway is a mad house. Nobody cares about what you feel. People are there to serve their own purpose.

I couldn't complain though. I decided to drive in the highway. And I was one of those drivers. Or at least I tried to be. And I had a chance of getting off the ramp earlier on. Now I'm stuck. And I hate it. I don't wanna crash, but I think that's where I'm headed.

So this is how heartbreak and breaking up feels like. I think this is even worse. Because we aren't even officially together. Dating sucks. I want a real relationship. I'm too old for this shit.

Crash and burn.