I feel like there are lot of things that I don't deserve. Especially my own mother making me feel as if I am the most worthless and stupid people on earth just because I was a few minutes late picking them up.
Well, it actually isn't just that. Everything seems to be going wrong no matter how much I want them to be otherwise. Tonight's events was just the last straw to test out my emotions. I don't want other people to make me feel like shit - it reminds how I think I'm shit and I don't want that. It would ruin me completely. But hell, that's really what I think. Having other people say that too only affirms it. And it's hard to accept even though I've started thinking about that already.
I don't know. I'm really confused. And I'm really just sad. I realized that while I have many friends, there aren't any around whom I am comfortable enough to cry on to. I'm not that strong. I'm afraid of being rejected, of being ridiculed for being weak. But I really really really really want a hug right now. And I don't want to talk about it. Words just ruin everything. And I'm feeling too much at the moment it's hard for me to even say exactly what's wrong.
Come to think of it, the last time I was simply held after an uncontrolled crying bout was back in high school. And yes, I really feel THAT bad right now.
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