I've been MIA for a while now. I guess I got too comfortable in the real world, it kinda shocked me how much I've revealed there. I have to admit, it felt good to be able to voice out some of my feelings as me, and not as some anonymous person. It's still not the same though - when I write from the heart as "me", I get scared easily and so I don't really get to express everything that I want to share.
You see, I've finally admitted it to myself lately. I'm really afraid of getting judged. I know it happens all the time, but I like to pretend it doesn't and it scares me to think that people are going to think bad about me if I show them my weaknesses. It's kinda twisted, and I know it's irrational, but that's really the way I feel.
I'm sick and tired of people telling me I'm not living up to their expectations - heck, I'm not even living up to my own expectations! I just wish they'd stop making me feel bad. Unlike other people who gets motivated by negative criticisms, I thrive with positive focus. I like it when people make me feel good - it inspires me to do even better. But no one seems to get that at work. I'm sick and tired of it all. ARGHH
