BWISET. BWISET LANG TALAGA. FINE. My new goal in life is not to go to Madrid anymore. I'd rather save money and move away from here. I can't take it anymore. 10 days living with my dad is HELL. I wish I could tell that IN HIS FACE. Feeling niya kasi, employees din niya kami and siya ang boss namin. According to him, dapat daw... isang tawag lang niya eh we'll come running to him na. IS HE FOR REAL?! I mean, I love my dad. I guess we all love our fathers, but there is a limit at how much he can control me.
I don't owe him anything -- I think graduating at the top of my college is enough payment for all the "sacrifices" and to boost his ego. In the first place, he's not really a "dad" to me all the way. I barely see him. When I do, it's always only for a few days. The longest time I lived with him was when I was about to graduate from high school, until I was about to graduate from college. And then he was gone again. There never really was anything easy about our relationship. And now that he's taken a 10-day leave from work, he is exasperating me!
Stop berating me for my choices. Yes, I'm aware of my mistakes, of my seemingly stagnant life, but who the hell are you to berate me in front of my siblings. It's sooo just you. You tell us na wag manghamak ng tao, but FUCK YOU, you do that even to your children. Yes, you're at the top of your game. Yes, you're good at your job. But DAMN YOU, you are not a good father to me. You were never who I needed from a father. The only time I really remember you is when I need something from you. But WHY THE HELL do I feel the need to impress you? It's just not worth it anymore. My choices are mine. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO MAKE ME FEEL THIS LOW. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO START TREATING ME LIKE A 3-YEAR-OLD STILL. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO MAKE ME FEEL ASHAMED OF THE CHOICES I MAKE. I am entitled to my own mistakes too, and have people support me instead of casting stones at me. OO NA. MAGALING KA NA. MAGALING NA MAGALING KA NA.
And now that I think you are going to be back, I guess it's now time for me to pack up and leave this place. I just don't think I could live with both my parents around me. I can stand my mom nagging, but with my dad around, I just couldn't do it. Everyone just acts on tiptoe around him. I couldn't be like that. It's an effort to communicate with you. It feels as if it's soooo hard to not be perfect all the time when you're around. NAKAKASTRESS KA. Kaya walang gustong makipag-usap ng masinsinan sayo. All we talk about are other things because talking to you feels degrading, and we do not function that way. BAHALA KA NA. MAGALING KA NAMAN EH.
That said, I will now start looking for a house / job elsewhere. I do not want to stay in this place as long as he is here.
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