Early Morning Thoughts

It’s weird how I find myself with so many thoughts that even I can’t keep up with. They run over and over my head like a raging river! And it’s not as if said thoughts are of any relevance to the world. Mostly they’re just insane, random, useless things.

Like when I woke up this morning. I opened my eyes and saw that there was soft light filtering through my curtains and my first thought was “oh. I woke up early again!” It’s a novelty because I don’t usually do that. HURHUR. Blame work, you guys.

And then after going through my sleepy head and deciding I’m fit to wake up already (do you asses yourself like that or is it just me?!), I continued on to what I didn’t get to finish doing last night and that is to read. YEAH YEAH YEAH. So I read a lot. Who cares?! LOL

On another bout of fresh thoughts, I’m going to stop this utter nonsense now and practice driving the pick up now. Good morning!

First Love

LOVE. Argh. One of the most over rated topics ever. But as I’ve gone a little crazy these past few nights spending some quality time with a past I’m rather embarrassed about, allow me to bore you with the gory details of my love life – or the lack thereof, overrated as it may be to talk about.

At the young innocent naive know-it-all age of 12, I have fallen in love, or so I thought, to a guy who wouldn’t even give me a time of day – unless we meet along the school corridors, or we get to ride in the same car, which happens almost everyday as we are in the same carpool. OK. I’M KILLING MYSELF HERE BY ADMITTING ALL THESE CRAZINESS! So yeah, basically, I feil in infatuation . EEW. How high school is that?!

9 years later, I look back and just laugh the fuck off that stage of unrequited teenage love. HAH! HAD I KNOWN HOW AWFUL IT WOULD BE TO REMEMBER IT ALL NOW, I’D HAVE AVOIDED ALL EMBARRASSMENT FROM THE START! Right now, I spend more than enough time as it is in the company of said object of affliction affection of my whole high school existence. I balk at the idea of ever having to talk to him about all of this – not now that we are such good friends already and can express our love to each other freely! Just the other day he told me loves me, and I slapped him after that, because I was laughing so hard. MY GOD. HOW I’D HAVE LOVED TO HEAR THAT BACK THEN, I thought.

But the whole history is still pretty disgusting. I was talking to a common friend of ours about that and we went up in uncontrollable fits of laughter. Don’t get me wrong. I love C, just not the kind of love I used to think I had for him. EEW. That would almost be like incest (no pun intended) because he now feels like a brother to me or something.

EEW. WHY AM I EVEN TALKING ABOUT THIS?!?!

So to end this post on an even more awful note, I’d like to say that based on experience, “first love never dies” is definitely true. But while it does wear of to a level of platonic-ity, for me, there would always be that tingling feeling of awareness knowing that at some point in my life, I had admired that person to death. BOW.

Between

Life and Insanity. What’s the difference? Sometimes, both feels the same to me. Our disability to be contented, our constant drive for success however we may measure it, and even our repulsion to changes from time to time can become a little sordid. So who’s to say what’s seemingly a normal life could actually be an insanity?

I guess I’m not making any sense, as usual. And this blog is not meant for the sensible. My life as it is is a crazy mumbo jumbo of rainbows whose color turns from black to white to even frickin’ fuchsia from now until forever. Here I shall talk about all the crazies that’s happening in my life, the world, and even Planet Pandora if given the chance.

So yeah. Fasten your seatbelt on a roller coaster ride of the mundane and the downright outrageous.